Twilight: Phone Calls
by BiersackObsession
Summary: bella, the cullens and the pack call each other
1. jared calls alice

Jared calls Alice

*ring ring*

Hello?

Watz up my vamp bffe?

Oh hey Jared what did you want?

I want you to give a message from me to eddie-weddy

Sure what is it?

Tell him he's a poopie head

Ok, is that all?

Yeh, so how you been, I haven't seen you in a while

Oh fine, I've just been really busy planning a party for Carlisle's 399 birthday.

Wow he's old awesome!

Would you and the pack like to come?

Sure we'll be there

Good, my place 7:00pm

Ok cya latter bffl I mean bffe

Kk cya bffe

Kiss kiss

Xoxo


	2. seth calls carlisle

Seth calls Carlisle

*ring ring*

Hello, Carlisle speaking?

Hey, dr c

Oh hi Seth, what do you want?

It's Leah, you see I broke her shin and well it's starting to set wrong and well she won't let me hold it straight for her, can you talk to her?

Sure put her on

What do you want blood sucker?

Leah you need to let Seth hold your shin straight

No!! It's my shin

But if you don't it won't set straight

So, it's my shin

Well if you don't hold it it you'll never be able to wear shoes or walk on it again.

So I'll stay in my werewolf form

But you hate eating when you're a wear wolf

Fine I'll let Seth hold it but no for you just so I can eat in human form and walk as a human again.

Good thank you

Bye blood sucker

Hey its Seth again, Thank you for that mum would've killed me if it set wrong.

No problem

Ok cya dr c

Bye Seth

*beep*

*beep*


	3. quil and embery call edward

Quill and embery call Edward

*ring ring*

Hello?

Hey eddy its embery and Quill

Oh what do you want?

Don't be grumpy eddy-kinz

Yeh everything is fine

I'm not grumpy

Oh yeh you are, embery do you think he's grumpy?

Yes I do Quil

See you are grumpy

Yeh 2 against 1 eddy

Grrrrrrr

Embery you made him grumpy

Me? You made him grumpy Quil

You both made my grumpy

Oh,

Oh,

Now what do you want?

We just wanted to annoy you, right embery?

Right Quil

Well you have succeeded

Yay we won embery

Yay we made eddy-weddy grumpy

Grrrrr good by

*slam*

*beep*

Hey he hung up on us!!

Meany

I'm so offended

Oh gtg Quil mums calling

Ok cya embery

*beep*

Oh I'm so lonely now. I know I'll prank call Jacob. Now what's his number?

*beep*


	4. jacob calls jasper

Jacob calls jasper

*ring ring*

Hey it jasper?

Oh hey jasper it's Jacob

Oh what do you want?

Well you know how you're an evil genuness and all

Well yes I like to think of myself as an evil Guinness

Well can you help me?

Sure what do you want?

It Paul, you see I want to get him back for doing something

What did he do?

He tie died all my shorts pink

Hahaha that's a god one

Yeh yeh I know now I need to get him back

Ok well y don't you break his leg's?

Because they will be perfect again in a day or 2

Oh well you could break all his bones twice

I could but Rachel would know it was me and kill me, well try to kill me a million times.

Hahahaha

Any Ideas of what I could do without anyone knowing it's me?

Yeh you can send him a bomb in the mail and say it was from Sam

Excellent you're geniuses, an evil genesis

Oh thank you it was nothing all in the days work of an evil Guinness

Haha ok cya I've gotta go make a bomb

Ok bye

*beep*

Wow I am such a good evil Guinness I should have my own hotline to help people make evil plans to hurt other people.

*beep*


	5. emmett calls rosalie

Emmett calls Rosalie

*ring ring*

Hello?

Hey honey

Oh hi what do you want?

I just was testing speed dial

Oh ok

Yeh it doesn't work

What do you mean? You are talking to me it must have worked

No it was meant to call the pizza shop

*beep*

Hello? You still there?

Don't be grumpy rose honey its just pizza is more important than calling you and I do it more often.

Wow I'm really hungry, better call the pizza shop

Cya rose love ya

*beep*

Ring ring

Hello?

Oh rose honey hi

What do you want?

Nothing just the speed dial for the pizza shop didn't work again

*beep*

Bye honey

*beep*


	6. bella calls edward

Bella calls Edward and gets voice mail

*ring ring*

Hello Edward can't come to the phone right now because I, Emmett stole his phone and he won't be getting it back soon. Oh and if this is Bella he said to tell you to call Alice. Please leave a message after the beep.

*beep*

Eddy boo its Bella seriously you have to hide your phone better this is the 5th time this month that Emmett has stolen it any way I'm gonna call alice so answer her phone.

*beep*

*ring ring*

Bella?

Hey Edward

Hey how are ya?

Good but were are you?

What do you mean?

It's a Saturday, Charlie's fishing and I'm still home alone. After you left this morning to go get your car you never came back

Oh yeh um jasper and Emmett tied me to a bed in a cage in the air and won't let me go

Can't you break free you're a vampire remember

Yeh but under the cage is Alice's Porsche and if I break free the cage will land on the Porsche and then Alice will kill me, literally.

Fine, but how am I gonna get there?

I'll send Esme to collect you

Ok bye cya soon

Cya Bella love ya

Wait how are you using the phone?

Oh um Rosalie is up in the cage holding it at my ear and making shore I don't try to escape because Alice said if her Porsche gets smashed she'll smash everyone else's cars as well.

And why does she have Alice's phone?

Because we knew that you would call someone so we have everyone's phone up here except for mine because of stupid Emmett.

And one more question

Yes?

Why can't Alice pick me up?

1: because Esme has already left and she will be there very son

2: because Alice refuses to let her Porsche out of her sight until she knows it's safe

Can't she see it in her future?

No because the futures in your hands and she can't see it till you make up your mind so hurry up and get here so you can make up your mind.

*Hong*

Oh Esme is here cya soon bye

Cya

*beep*

*beep*


	7. paul rings sam

Paul rings Sam

*ring ring*

Why the fidget did you send me a bomb in the mail?

What, why would I send you a bomb in the mail?

I don't know but you did

No I did not!

But it said it was from you

Well it differently wasn't from me

Who then?

Who has a grudge on you?

Ummm…

Everyone

Shut up

Shutting up

Jacob

Jacob? Why Jacob

Because I tie died all his shorts hot pink

Why did you do that?

I felt like it

Shameful you should be ashamed of yourself

Grrrr I'm gonna break all his bones 5 times

No wait don't you-

*beep*

Dare! Grr now I have to go stop him!

*beep*


	8. alice calls rosalie

Alice calls Rosalie

*ring ring*

Hello?

Hey rose

Oh hi Alice

So what are you doing today?

Nothing just throwing away last winters fashion

Can you put it in my room?

Why?

Because Bella might fit it

But she has her own clothes

Yeh but she needs help with her style

Ok sure I'll chuck them in your room

Thanks

So what did you want?

I was wondering…

Yes what were you wondering?

If you would like to come shopping with me

Sure were?

I was looking in a catalogue and liked the look of clothes in Paris this year

Sure we'll go to Paris and I want to go to London

Ok and can we also go to Australia they have some awesome fashions out at the moment

Ok cool hang on a tick I think these a fashion shot in Sweden we could stop at

Ok awesome

I'll just call them

K

On other phone: (Ghfhdbs gund ricje Irdw tjirn ruxjme imntgnuh urdd chrd nddd ujnmd zdsk ngfuj hncgf )

(Hello do you have a fashion shot open tonight? could Alice and me model?, thank you)

Back

So can we model?

Yep

Ok I'll make the flight reservations

Ok we'll leave in half an hour

K cya

Bye

Xoxo

Kiss kiss

*beep*

*beep*


	9. jasper calls emmett

Jasper calls Emmett

*ring ring*

Hey it's Emmett and I am not smarter than a 5th grader.

I already know that

Oh it's you

Hi

Leave me alone jasper I'm waiting for the people on the radio to call

Their not gonna call

And how do you no that?

Because you and the rest or us all have private numbers and they can't call private numbers

Damm don't be such a spoil spotter

Whatever is Alice there?

No her and rose are having a shopping spree

Ok cya then

Wait don't leave I'm so lonely

What I brought you at turtle so you wouldn't go lonely

Yeh but I eat it

You're an idiot

I know and I'm proud of it

Ok bye bye Emmett

Fine leave me I don't care

*beep*

Wait don't leave me I'm so lonely

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He left!

*weep*

Now I'm still thirsty where's Bella's bird?

*beep*


	10. charlie calls the cullens

Charlie calls the Cullen's

*ring ring*

Hello, Alice speaking

Oh hello Alice its Charlie

Hey Charlie do you want to talk to belle?

Yes please

Ok here she is

Thank you

Hey Charlie

Hey bells

Owe go away Alice

What's going on there?

Oh Alice tried to but makeup on my so I got Emmett to lift me out of her (short ranged) reach. But now he's put me down and Alice is kicking his arse for helping me not her.

And were is Edward in all this?

He and jasper are trying to make chocolate but they haven't been very success full in the last 7 attempts

(Hey I heard that)

(So)

Oh what about the rest of them?

Carlisl and Esme are washing the cars and Rosalie is out for a run

Ok

Yeh so what did you want Charlie?

I was just wondering if you were staying there or coming home for dinner?

Oh I was going to stay but if you want me to I'll come home?

No stay I'm going to Billy's to watch the game.

Ok, what's Jake doing?

Oh he's go this big test he's studying with his mates for

Ok well if you see him tell him I said hi, and good luck

Will do

Thanks

Ok cya bells

Cya Charlie

*beep*

Hey everyone our chocolates ready

Ok let's taste

*chomp chomp*

Yuck!! What did you put in that?

Just sugar milk eggs and chocolate biscuits

Yuck you're meant to but coco powder in not chocolate biscuits

The biscuits have coco powder in them

So, it not the same thing, let me show you how to make them

Fine, come on jasper time to make the 9th batch

*beep*


	11. jasper calls alice from his emo corner

Jasper calls Alice from his emo corner

*ring ring*

Hello jasper why are you calling me?

Um I just wanted to tell you that I'm not leaving my emo corner until everyone is happy and stops having all these confusing emotions.

Jasper don't be silly, I can see you you know

So I don't care, stop making me depressed!!!

Only you can do that remember

Go away

*beep*

Fine no moving from your emo corner till I say

(I'm not on the phone anymore)

Yeh but I know you ca still here me, idiot

*beep*


	12. emmett calls edward

Emmett calls Edward

*ring ring*

What do you want Emmett?

How did you no it was me?

I have caller id

Oh cool

Now what do you want?

Oh I'm on who wants to be a millionaire and for a hundred dollars I need to know how to spell supercalafreakinawesome

It's spelt s-u-p-e-r-c-a-l-a-f-r-e-a-k-i-n-a-w-e-s-o-m-e

Thanks little bro

Grr I'm older than you remember

Yeh but your shorter and your younger in human years.

Whatever

Ok cya

Bye

*beep*

Shit I asked him the wrong question no!!! Eddie come back!!!

*beep*


	13. jasper calls the cullens

Hey, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Would like to give a big thanks to iluvedward for reviewing my last chapters.

Disclaimer: on my profile.

Jasper calls the Cullens

*ring ring*

Hello?

But me on loud speaker and all of you sit in the lounge room with the phone and listen!

Ahhh!!!! Eddie the phones talking

No it's not that's just jasper talking

Ok everybody in the lounge now!!!

(in the lounge room with the phone on loud speaker thanks to Eddie)

What's up jazz?

Well you see guys I'm an evil genius

Oh can I be an airplane?

No! Emmett this is not a joke

Hey I answered the phone so I can easily hang up.

Don't you dare!!!

Ok don't turn me into a frog evil person.

You're more like a mammoth

Hey I heard that

Nah duh mwahahaha

Hey your evil genius laugh is cool

Thanks

So what did you want?

Well eddy-kinks I've created an evil lemon army that's shall rule the world and kill all humans!!!

Hey!!!!

Sorry Bella, owe let go

No!!!!

What is going on?

Well Alice is trying to pull me back up the drive way so I don't kill all the humans.

Because without humans I would never get any more clothes.

(Alice drags jasper through the front door)

Let go

No!!!!, off to the bedroom now!!!

But…

No buts, now

Fine!

Give me your mobile

(Hands Alice mobile)

Here you go

Cya later sucker

Emmett you don't need to say that through the phone

Yes I do Edward

*beep*

Hey he hung up on me!!!

*beep*

a/n review and tell me what you want to happen please!

Lemon army is a real story- we were making a lemon battery in science and my teacher couldn't get it too work so we had to watch it ion the internet. So me and my friend created a lemon army and were yelling, team lemon, lemons shall rule the world and lemons beat mrs Newman!!! True story!!!


	14. rosalie calls jasper

*ring ring *

Hello?

Hey jasper

Hi rose

So um could you come over here and calm Emmett down because he's gone crazy after he heard that Spiderman's gay.

Hahaha yeah I know that was no surprise to me

Or anyone but Emmett

True

So could you come now?

Sorry no can do I'm watching batman

Hahaha well at least he's not gay like Spiderman

Yeah he's actually really awesome

Yep… wait your not gonna sing the song now are you?

Yep

Oh god!

Na nananana nanananana BATMAN!!!!

Save me now!

Want me too continue?

No just get here as soon as you can because I'm about to strangle Emmett any second now!

Ok cya

Bye

*beep*

Time to start singing again …. Batman nananana batman

*beep*

a/n so ah did u like it? I hope so!!! Please review and give my help!!!! Btw BATMAN ROCKS!!!!! Yeyh I have a thing with batman.


	15. edward calls bella

*ring ring*

Hello?

Hey bella honey

Oh hiya eddy

Erh eddy?

Yeh you call me bella so I call you eddy

Um ok

That better be ok Edward taco Cullen (read notes, notes and more notes)

It's fine really

Good, so what did you want anyway?

Um oh yeh I'm coming over now

Ok bring a taco

Ok at least you don't want a spoon

Oh I already have heaps

Grrr did alice give you her purple spoon collection?

Maybe…….-shifty eyes-

Throw them out now!!!

No

Yes

Why?

Because it's not normal too eat tacos with spoons. It might even be bad for your health.

Yeh right it is normal and perfectly healthy

Bella if you don't throw thoose spoons out now I'll hang up the phone and not come over

No you won't you'll come over anyway

No I – wait how did you no that?

Um I um can see the futre?

Is alice there?

Yes-I mean no I mean maybe I mean um I erh….

Oh I thought she was in rome….grrrrrr I'm gonna get you alice

She says go eat a tree

Hey that sounds like a good id- hey I'll get you for that alice

Wait did you just saying eating a tree sounds like a good idea?

Um maybe…….

Haven't you ever tried a taco

No that weren't invented when I was alive

Omg how can you eat tress when there are tacos to eat

I don't actrally eat trees bella

You disgust me Edward taco cullem

Bella I –

*beep*

Grrrrrrrrrr oh well time to go get alice

*beep*

a/n yay it's the first time Edward calls someone. Hope you liked it. Btw if you don't get the Edward taco cullen thing read notes, notes and more notes my second story, also read it if you don't get the taco thing with bella and the eating them with spoons lol. Thanks for reviewing ppls.l review this chap please!!!!!!! XD 


	16. esme calls carlisle

A/n I changed my name! if you like tokio hotel tell me and we can talk about them!

Esme calls Carlisle! Her first call

*Ring ring*

Ello?** (Hehe I made him say ello lol)**

Sup doc?

Esme is that you?

Yep it sure is homie

What is a homie? Someone you live with?

No a friend

Oh always wondered what Emmett meant when he called me his homie I thought he was calling me a hobo or something

Hahaha lol

Lol?

Laugh out loud geez get with the times

Oh sorry are you on a sugar high?

Nope just trying to talk like me homie Emmett

It doesn't sound right

Whatever dog just twitter me

Twitter?

You no the worlds new Myspace

Myspace?

Just get twitting old man

I am not that old I'm 32

More like 332

Haha not funny but true

Whatever later dog

Later? Dog? I'm not a dog!

Whatever's manger

Ok this is getting annoying

Whatever just remember I'm the bomb

Esme is the bomb… you're not going to explode are you?

God you're old

*beep beep*

Wait Esme don't blow your self up

I'm going to get Emmett for teaching her how to be a bomb?!?

A/n okay tell me if you think I should continue this story of stop because if I stop I'll stop at 20. Review!


	17. a dream phone call

_A dream phone call_

*ring ring*

Hello?

Hello this is taco

Omg I love you!

Haha nice to know

Why are you calling me?

To tell you that you have won… a years supply of tacos!

Yay *does little happy dance*

Congrats!

Let's sing!

I'm a taco

You're a taco** (sung by Bella!)**

We're all happy taco fans

And again!

A taco a day

Makes the dentist say **(sung by Bella!)**

You smell like taco

Woot! Woot! Go tacos

Ok enjoy Bella

I will…. Yummy

*beep*

*beep*

**A/n I'm back! Did ya miss me?**

**Review if you're still reading my story!**


	18. Note

**Authors note:**

This story is now on hiatus for awhile because I have lost my inspiration.

It will be started again later once I have finished other stories.

Thanks for reading!

I'll tell you when it is starting again.

Love,

**Tokio-Bizarre-Bridesmaid**


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